the mystery pt1
the king: hmmm… i wonder what's for dinner…hmmm…hmmm…hmmm
mario: lotsa spaghetti!!! XD
luigi: wait sorry mario, but was that "XD" pronounced or did it just symbolize a face you made?
mario: oh yeah, sorry, i should have elaborated a bit more. what i meant by that "XD" was "xylophone dissonance" because my fucking xylo is so broken and fucked up that it's always so dissonant.
luigi: tbh, that sounds like something you just made up. i think you're just trying to sound quirky you FUCK!!!
mario: get off my case, you fuckin green-ass bean-headed floorfuck.
the king: hmmm… i wonder what's for dinner…hmmm…hmmm…hmmm
mario: wtf, the king, i already telled you it's LOTSA SPAGHETTI gee fuckin whiz. can't you see i'm in the process of dicing these tomatoes. this is gonna be some delicious sauce. you have to be patient, the king.
sonic: hey kids, hey kids, hey kids, key kids, hey kids, hey kids.
sonic:
mario: hi
sonic: how do you like my new single? it's called "hey kids" and it's coming out tomorrow.
luigi: haha you just said "coming out" which also means gay.
sonic: i was not aware of this am so embarrassed.
mario: luigi, we gotta help him.
luigi: what do you mean? in what context?
mario: in yo' fucking conSEXt, mufucka.
luigi: i'm sorry
link: hey sonic i just came over here because i heard your new single and i want to say it was AMAZING.
sonic: oh thanks, link.
link: the only thing i'd have to suggest is that i think the bass should be a bit louder during the chorus. who did you get to master it for you?
sonic: i got jeff lipton from peerless mastering.
link: oh yeah, i guessed. i could really feel that characteristic jeff lipton fullness. great choice.
sonic: thanks, link!
link: you're welcome. i really love giving out compliments and suggesting things to people because it makes me feel less hollow inside. sometimes i feel like i just don't exist, like im just this faint mist being wafted around from a draft in the room, who has no meaning, no purpose, no 'touch' or real effect in the world. like everything will always stay the same no matter what i try to do, because i am powerless to change anything. you know what im sayiing?
sonic: i likes eggs.
the king: hmmm… i wonder what's for dinner…hmmm…hmmm…hmmm
mario: i'm gonna be honest with you, the king. right now it feels like your trying to make me feel something ~no good~, and i don't like it. i already told you that i'm in the process of making lotsa spaghetti, but you are just ignoring me. if you keep doing this, i am going to be forced to–
the king: hmmm… i wonder what's for dinner…hmmm…hmmm…hmmm
mario: okay. that's it. i'm gonna like pour this boiling sauce all over your fucking head and it's gonna hurt so fucking bad, do you hear me? get ready to feel the most pain you've ever felt ever.
luigi: wait mario! look behind him. see that? that isn't the real the king, it's just a life-size blow-up doll with a looped audio tape replaying that iconic line.
mario: oh my good ass… that's so weird.
luigi: it seems like someone has kidnapped the king.
mario: look at this! i just took the tape out of the player, and it seems to have come from peerless mastering!!
link: what!?
sonic: it seems like this is the start of a mystery, you guys!!!!!!
